So it’s days like today that sometimes fill me with somewhat morbid thoughts; it’s a beautiful, blustery day, the kind of warm day that punctuates October and gives us those quiet moments of respite. I love sitting as I am now, in the sunroom with the windows wide open. I like staring out on the world, and wondering where my friends are right now, what they’re doing, whether they’re happy or not.
I wonder too, because I’m a morbid sort sometimes, if this is the last nice day of 2007. It could well be; all from here forward might descend into drizzle, cold, sleet and snow. And because my mind is harmfully expansive sometimes, sooner or later it strikes me that someday, maybe not today (but maybe so!) we’ll have the very last nice day, the day after which the world turns dark and cold, a cinder in the empty swim of space.
It’s amazing how a beautiful day in October can make me need a hug, but it can sometimes. I’m finding as I age that I’m less content and less stable alone that I used to be. I was a really self sufficient little antisocial bastard in high school, possibly because high school social interactions are always painful, and some of us have low thresholds. Now, I’m not. The consequences of that are probably dire.
But for now the wind is warm and the crickets are singing.